We did not write this book to encourage people to pursue surrogacy, but instead to communicate the real stories we have collected over the years of our research. We don't believe in normative prescriptions and instead think that one thing might work for one surrogate and not for another. It is, however, clear to us that there are some things that made the surrogacy journey a happier one for the women in our research, and one can read our book in a way as a guide to some of those elements of what might help make it a more positive experience.
- Surrogates are real people with families and lives, they are not objects to be treated as rented, bought, or sold. The book shows some of the behind the scenes events and conversations that might take place in the surrogate's life. It is important to remember that surrogates do not do this alone but often as a "family project" involving partners, children, and even their extended families.
- Surrogates usually approach surrogacy for a mix of reasons, and it is disrespectful to treat them as though they chose to become surrogates only for the money or to assume that there is something that might explain why they made this non-normative choice. Some women just want to do this in order to do something meaningful for others and there does not have to be some specific reason.
- Surrogates in the United States do not have a committee or a standard contract supervised by the State like in Israel to ascertain that their rights are protected. Like Jenn, US surrogates might feel the need to advocate for their rights and take personal responsibility for contract negotiations. Women entering surrogacy arrangements might find indications for some of the do's and don'ts that surrgates advised one another in Zsuzsa's data from Jenn's story.
- Surrogates might receive remuneration for their efforts, but many of them still view surrogacy as a gift relationship in which they expect their efforts to be acknowledged as more than a business transaction. Intended parents might thus understand from this book why their surrogate might be sending them gifts, and what their surrogate might be indicating and expecting regarding acknowledgement of their efforts.
- Surrogacy is a relationship that works out best when it is based on trust and open communication between the parties involved.